What is Unworthiness?
Unworthiness is a belief, thought or feeling that somehow you don’t deserve to have something or that perhaps you are not good enough or lacking in some way, which keeps you from having the things, situations or people that you really desire in your life.
It can be quite a hard block to uncover as it can be very difficult for people to accept that they might view themselves as unworthy.
Where does it come from?
According to my friend Ken MacLean and his Guidance, “the Guys” it is a negative meme or idea that was left in the human psyche after the last great civilizations on the Earth.
On a more practical level, it can come from childhood programming. This may have been from family, siblings, teachers, authority figures, religious groups and society as a whole.
As a child you might have heard and experienced all sorts of negative conditioning and events that set the seed in your heart and mind that you were not as good as the next person, that you did not deserve great wealth and success because of your family situation, your character, your actions, your laziness, your daydreaming, your stupidity, your hair colour, your size, your family genes and any number of situations that left you with the feeling that you could only have so much and any more than that was bad or wicked or sinful.
Some religions have had a vested interest in keeping you feeling unworthy, as that is a great control mechanism.
I was rather horrified to look back at the religious teachings of the Church of England that I grew up with, and to find the number of prayers that contain the words “ I am not worthy.” No wonder Unworthiness became an issue for me!
As an adult you can look at these patterns for yourself and, once you become aware of them, you can decide whether you wish to keep them or not.
The many faces of Unworthiness
When I think of my Ideal life, I think of me in vibrant health, enjoying an amazing, loving, passionate relationship with my husband, fantastic relationships with my children, with the time to travel first class around the world, with plenty of financial abundance coming into my life from multiple sources and it all happen easily and effortlessly.
When I ask people to think about their Ideal Day or Ideal relationship or Ideal Career or Business, inevitably there will be reasons and beliefs as to why that Ideal can’t happen.
“I don’t feel Worthy” is not usually at the top of the list. It may be expressed more as, “I don’t have the time”, “I don’t have the money”, “I don’t know the right people” “people would never pay me that much” “you don’t get something for nothing” “there is no real value in free stuff” “it takes 3-5 years to earn any money out of a business” “you have to work hard for what you have” “If I haven’t worked hard for it and earnt it, then I probably don’t have any real right to it” “self-promoters are bad people” “nobody has any money” “I don’t really need all that money or new car or a bigger house” “It’s alright for them, they can succeed because…..” “I can’t do or have that because…” “money is the root of all evil and is not spiritual” “I can’t charge that much … or charge at all… for my services” “bad relationships run in my family” “all my family are big-boned and a bit overweight” “money doesn’t buy happiness” “you don’t have any real friends when you have money – they only want you for your money” “I’ll do something for myself when…. I retire, the kids have left home, I have more money, I have more time, the economy is a bit better…” and so on and so on.
I have heard hundreds of these beliefs over time as I have worked with people and I have said, thought and felt quite a lot of them myself.
Underneath all of this is the lurking belief that somehow I can’t Have it All and if I do, it can’t possibly be easy. Our own language does not help either. Many of us struggle to allow ourselves to have a life of overflowing abundance, that seems to come easily, and we also feel envious and jealous towards those who have burst through their own Unworthiness demons.
We have phrases like a “life on easy street” which may mean different things in different cultures. In the UK, there are the implications that this person is bone-idle, lazy, doesn’t do very much and creams off the efforts of others. Or we refer to people as being “filthy rich” and other derogatory terms for people who have created an easy life for themselves.
Hard work, struggle, lack of happiness and lack of fulfilment is built into many cultures, mostly as a control mechanism. It is very difficult to admit to ourselves that perhaps the problem is that deep-down we don’t feel worthy of all goodies that we see other people enjoy.
It is actually the most ludicrous thing that some people are worthy and deserving of success (and allow themselves to have it) and others are not (and so live lives of mediocrity and desperation). Who decides that? There really is not anyone who decides who is worthy or wealth and success and who is not.
For a long time, our political and church leaders have tried to tell us that there is hierarchy (with them at the top) and they decide who has what. That idea has been breaking down for some time as more and more people come to realise what a nonsensical control mechanism that is.
Over the last 50- 100 years, there have been increasing numbers of books and writings which clearly state that we, each individual one of us, are Gods and that we are co-creators with the Universal Energies. This idea is clearly stated in the Christian Bible (I cannot comment on other religious texts because I am not familiar with them) yet the interpretation of those writings does not leave many people feeling empowered or feeling a sense of their own God-like-ness.
This is completely at odds with the actual teachings of the religious leaders and the Church services, which preach Unworthiness to receive right across very area of our lives. As I child in a small farming community and then attending a Catholic convent school, I would have repeatedly chanted the words of “I am not worthy of the crumbs that fall from your plate” and many others prayers and texts that clearly state “I AM not Worthy to…” so for me, it is not hard to see how that has contributed to my feeling of as lack of self-worth and a lack of deserving in my life.
One of the best books I have come across to explain this topic is “At Your Command” by Neville Goddard. It was written in the 1940s and is available as a free download on the Internet. It views the Bible in a completely different light than I have ever been taught.
My writings are not intended as an attack on anybody’s religion or religious beliefs. I am sharing my own discoveries as they apply to me and that have come out of my own questioning. Exploration of beliefs, or not, if something that is personal to each individual.
The hardest part about Unworthiness is truly acknowledging it ourselves. Once it has been identified and there is a genuine willingness to release it and replace it with something more empowering, that bit is relatively simple to do.
Unworthiness can be a great protector because it keeps you in a certain Status Quo. It also protects you from having to step into your Greatness and shine the light of your Personal Power and your Personal Gifts out into the world. Glimpses of it may show through, but probably only so much and then you pull back.
In the course of working with people on Limiting Beliefs I have found that the biggest Fear many people have, me included, is the Fear of Our Greatness and how amazing life could be. It is unknown territory for many people.
This is then followed by beliefs such as “what if people don’t like me?” or “what if I lose all my friends?” or “what if I only attract hangers-on?” or other beliefs which relate to that fantastic life somehow being bad or unacceptable.
Once you acknowledge Unworthiness and decide to release it and to let your Greatness shine out into the world, it is likely that you may need to let go some of your current friends because your energy will be incompatible with yours. They will probably want to try to bring you back to their level, so they feel secure. Change is often more scary to those around you than it is to you yourself.
With the way the energies are raising and expanding on Planet Earth at the moment, there may in fact be more of your current friends that are open to coming on the Journey with you.
The Language of Unworthiness
Unworthiness as a word may or may not resonate with you. There are many pathways to Unworthiness, including things like MartyrDom. This is where you put the needs of others completely before yourself and give so much that you end up totally drained and depleted with nothing more to give.
Struggle and the idea that life is difficult is another offshoot of unworthiness. In the UK, you may have heard the phrase “scrimp and save” when applied to money. For me, just the sound of the word “scrimp” implies difficulty and hardship.
Sacrificing yourself is another key indicator of Unworthiness and this runs along the same idea as Martyrdom, in that the underlying idea is that others are worth saving and you are not.
The idea of putting the needs of others before our own is built into the fabric of our societies and cultures. My daughters have gone through the Girl Guiding movement in the UK (Girl Scouts) and part of the Promise made by girls as young as 7 is “A Brownie Guide thinks of others before herself.” That is very noble, as long as she is also able to fill up her own cup, nourish herself and get her own needs met. (By the way it is a great organisation and provides a lot of value and fun for young women).
Other ideas such as “saving for a rainy day” is suggesting that there is an expectation that money will be needed in times of hardship, rather than money being set aside for fun.
You might it easier to refer to Self Worth rather than Unworthiness. In the personal programmes, we can find out exactly what terminology presses the buttons for you personally.
How do I know if I have got Unworthiness Blocks?
You may well put up with situations that are less than desirable in some area of your life – perhaps a relationship that is not really working, a job or business you really hate (but it generates a good income) or a situation that you want to change but don’t trust yourself that something better could be around the corner.
Unworthiness often shows in financial goals, when you set yourself a big goal and then logically talk yourself out of it, as to why you don’t really need a new car or a bigger house or having loads more money would lead to more problems than it solves.
Defensiveness and Denial are common problems at the mention of the word Unworthiness. People often deny that they even have unworthiness issues, although the drop in their energy field and the flush in their cheeks will often suggest to me that I have hit a raw nerve for them.
It may also be that when someone suggests a humungous goal to you and your first reaction is “ I can’t do that!” This is often followed by a string of excuses and rationalizations as to why that can’t be done.
Every single mega-successful person has had to overcome Unworthiness blocks to allow Abundance, Love, Health and all the other goodies of Life to flow to them. The more Undeserving-ness and Unworthiness to Receive that they got from their family background, the bigger the hurdles they have had to overcome.
Why don’t affirmations or other personal growth materials work with Unworthiness?
My experience has been that affirmations, positive statements and other personal growth tools have not worked for me. I believe this is because Unworthiness is a very deep rooted block and it hides. Part of the problem is actually admitting that the lack of success might be that, deep- down, in the deepest, deepest depths we don’t really believe that we are worthy to receive the Abundance of the Universe.
That is totally counter-intuitive to all work ethic behind making a success out of your life. Why would you put in all that effort if you truly don’t believe you serve to have success? From a logical basis, you wouldn’t.
It depends on the level that you are trying to tackle Unworthiness, as to how effective it is. Unworthiness is in your energy field and your BEING and once it shows itself, it is quite easy to clear.
How do I clear Unworthiness?
The first step then would be Acknowledgement that this is a challenge for you and that it is affecting your life in some way. The second step is to set an Intention that you are going to release and clear Unworthiness once and for all. The third step would be to allow it to bubble to the surface in your energy field, or allow me to be your personal guide.
The next step is to remove it using any some simple energy clearing techniques, such as imagining yourself pulling out the unhelpful energy and throwing it in a fire or brushing it away from your body or drawing it out with a magnet or something that gives you a sense that it is being removed. The final step is to fill that space with something more empowering that you would like in your energy field and seal it in.
You can do this yourself or work with Amanda in a personal empowerment programme that is tailor-made just for you.